Is it just me or are many teenagers really stressed?
Recently my daughter (thankfully) came to me and told me she was completely overwhelmed.
After berating myself (inwardly) for not recognising the signs, we sat down together to work out what she needed to change.
She blurted out, between the tears, a very long list of everything that was on her mind – from feeling self-conscious in her clothes, how bad she felt about being grumpy with a friend who was trying to help her, to school and exam worries.
Talking was the first step but I had to draw on some tried and tested strategies from my own toolkit to guide her towards resolving her worries.
I will share below some simple steps that I used to help her feel less overwhelmed – so simple that a week later she proudly told me that she had helped a friend through her feelings of being overwhelmed using the same steps. Proud mamma moment!
Teenage woes
Research by the American Psychological Association back in 2013* found that teens report comparable stress levels and symptoms of stress as adults, with 31% reporting that they felt overwhelmed as a result of stress.
We all know that getting teens to talk can be challenging but if you suspect they are stressed (poor sleep, frequent headaches and/or gastrointestinal problems, anger outbursts, lack of concentration, increased levels of anxiety, overeating/under-eating, increased sadness, social withdrawal, irritability, lack of motivation) – ask them.
They might not tell you but it’s worth a try – right?
If they do talk then here are some simple steps that you can do to help them work through it.
Simple steps you can do to support stressed teens
#1 Write it down
Encourage them to write down all the things that are worrying them right now – include all the things that they would like to change or be different.
Don’t judge! What might seem ridiculous to you could be a huge source of anxiety for them.
If they get stuck take some time out and then encourage them to come back to the list.
Writing things down gets it out of their head and makes things concrete.
This can be hard and emotional for them do – admitting all the things that are worrying them can be draining so be patient and give them privacy to do this alone if they need to.
Make sure you congratulate them for being brave enough to talk and to write it all down.
#2 Let some things go
Consider using a chart like this to help them understand that sometimes there is nothing they (or you!) can do to fix a problem.
This could help them focus on using their energy on things they can change and avoid using their energy worrying about things they can’t change.
Get them to write each of their worries into the chart depending on how big an impact fixing it will have on their stress levels and how easy it will be to change.
#3 Pick one thing to work on
Encourage them to pick one thing to focus on that they will have a big impact on their stress level and that they can change.
They might be tempted to work on all of them, or most of them at once, but that won’t work and will only frustrate them into inaction.
Encourage them to go for quality, not quantity - change will come from one well thought through behaviour change.
It’s about progress not perfection.
#4 Break into smaller actions
Take the one thing they want to focus on and help them work out what they can do, what actions they can put in place to change it.
Encourage them to write out their action plan as this makes it much more powerful and more likely to happen.
For example, here’s what my daughter wrote about coping with exam and study stress:
Study for maximum 1 hour and then take a break. For my break I will clear out my wardrobe, tidy my room, take the dogs for a walk, make a healthy snack, meet up with friends.
Again, encourage them to go for quality, not quantity - change will come from one well thought through behaviour change.
It’s about progress not perfection.
#5 Check in
Check in with them to find out how they are getting on…..but be careful not to nag.
Sometimes just working through the steps makes them feel less stressed and more in control of the situation.
You have also given them something for their life toolkit that they can come back to time and time again.
Remember you too could use these steps if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. If you would like to know more we have developed a programme called ‘Making Change Happen’ and you can watch the first step for free.
Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below.
Best wishes
Eleanor
Behaviour Works aim is simple. To help make change happen in your personal, family or working life. Every week we help people across the world with their own change journey with our online training. Check us out at Behaviour Works.
Main photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash
Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash
